Influence is something that we all want and need – especially in business. Persuasive skills improves leadership, intrigues investors, and attracts customers.

And yet, there is one major mistake most people make when they want to be influential: people worry too much about what they "should" say.

Most people attribute influence to what someone said because that’s the part of the process that they can witness. Yes, of course,what you say is a critical component, but knowing how to figure out what to say is where the real magic happens. This is what helps you be adaptable and persuasive for different personality types and situations. 

After interviewing the world’s best influencers - including CIA field operatives, hostage negotiators, con-artists, and more - their first concern isn't, “What should I say?” It's “What do I need to know?”

The Problem with "What Should I Say?" and How to Get More Curious

When you start with "What should I say?", you direct your mind to focus on YOU - looking inward to find the answer. Interestingly enough, this is also what triggers alot of anxiety and stress. Your mind is judging your thoughts and words. Your worries and insecurities bubble to the surface. 

You can bypass this stress by focusing outward and ask, “What do I need to know?”

When you ask this, your mind turns outward and now focuses on the person or people you want to be influential with. Rather than self-judging, you now adapt a mindset of curiosity. Curiosity cancels out judgment. Now you can be free to explore options and possibilities.

All of your influential intel lies within the person you want to influence, not within yourself.

What to Listen for

Influential people look for persuasive hooks that will compel and convince. They pay attention to what's important to other person. What do they want to achieve? What do they want to avoid? People are always moving toward pleasure or away from pain. It’s your job, as an influential person, to find those motivators.

Observation is the foundation of influence. Once you have observed some persuasive hooks, you now have material to work with. Rather than starting with a blank slate, you now can connect the persuasive hooks to your conversational goal.

Here's an Example

Let’s say you're a consultant who helps small businesses with their operations. You can proudly tout that your clients see improvements in their productivity in just 3 weeks.

That’s great. But is it influential?

In a conversation, your prospect brings up how they lost 6 clients in the past few months because things slipped through the cracks. They've identified that the problem is a result of  their clunky processes and lack of oversight.

Your impressive stat about improving productivity is nice, but it's not a motivator in this particular situation. Sticking with your plan to push the productivity line will lower the likelihood of closing the deal. It doesn't direclty connect with the problem that they want to avoid - losing more clients. 

An influential person shifts to highlighting how their consulting process has a track record of improving client retention. You can even do this while still mentioning the impressive 3-week boost to productivity. It could sound something like, “Well, with our process, in 3 weeks you will see an improvement in productivity. And because your team will be working more efficiently, we’ll be plugging those leaks in your systems so customers won't slip through the cracks anymore.”

Influence isn't just about saying the right words—it's about understanding the needs, desires, and pain points of the people you're communicating with. The most persuasive individuals don't focus on themselves; they focus on what they need to learn about others. By asking "What do I need to know?" rather than "What should I say?" you unlock a mindset of curiosity, which leads to more authentic and adaptable communication. Remember, the key to influence lies in what you observe and how you use that information to connect with others in a way that truly resonates.

---

How Elevated i Can Help

If you’ve ever had the sneaking suspicion that your message isn’t pulling its weight, you’re not alone. At Elevated i, we specialize in helping professionals like you maximize your impact at both in-person and online event opportunities. Whether it’s refining your message or crafting a comprehensive strategy, we’re here to support you.

How we can work together:

• Executive Communication Coaching: Collaborate directly Sharí Alexander for high-level consulting and practical coaching. Together you’ll elevate your personal influence and your brand’s impact.

• Thought Leadership Strategy & Execution: Whether fine-tuning a presentation, seeking a holistic event strategy, or or building an online thought leadership presence, Sharí’s team has you covered. From creating presentation slides and follow-up nurture sequences to crafting your thought leadership editorial calendar, we ensure your messaging is both consistent and compelling.

• Workshops & Intensives: Laser-focused sessions tailored for individuals or small teams, covering topics like target market avatar development, editorial calendar creation, lead magnet strategies, pitching for speaking engagements, and signature program creation. Sharí also offers keynotes on influential communication skills.

If you’re ready to spark a conversation about working together, contact us here for a consultation, and let’s unlock new opportunities for your business.

Not quite ready for a phone call? Check out Sharí’s open office hoursand sign up for the invitation list.